Just Be Yourself??

This one was supposed to be a vulnerability narrative. Needless to say, it's easier to write about someone else's vulnerabilities than your own. This one is loosely based on a real story. It was a little rushed so it's a bit shorter than the others. Take it for what it's worth.

Every child is told to “just be yourself” at least once while growing up. It’s inevitable. Parents promote being unique and standing out, hoping their child’s individuality will play a role in his or her becoming the next Oscar winning actor or Nobel Prize winning scientist. Paul was no exception. He had heard it many times throughout childhood, and Paul wanted nothing more than to be himself. But society doesn’t actually want you to be yourself. Society does not want you to stand out. It does not want you to be different than those around you. No, being unique while growing up isn’t going to win you any awards, and Paul knew this.

Paul didn’t realize it at first, and even down the road when he did he refused to accept it. It was easier for Paul to grow up as the paradigm of a young man, trying to play sports and chase girls, than it was for him to “just be himself.” He was never very good at sports though, constantly losing focus, off in his own world, until the coach’s booming voice cut through his thoughts and brought him back to reality. His “teammates” never missed an opportunity to make fun of him for his lack of athletic ability either, regularly calling him a “fag” or “pussy” when he messed up on a play. Paul wasn’t an athlete, but every year he came out for the team, hoping that this season was going to be better than the last.

With girls it was different. Paul never had a hard time talking to girls. Quite the contrary, he felt much more comfortable when surrounded by a group of young ladies than when he was with a group of guys. It was a mutual feeling, too. Girls knew they could talk to him and he would genuinely understand and be there for them. Paul was well liked, loved even, by almost every girl that he met, but never in that way. Despite his best efforts while growing up, Paul was always a friend, never a flame.

It wasn’t until years after Paul and Matt met that Paul would finally come out of his shell and be himself. When he did, Matt wasn’t surprised. No one really was. As soon as Matt met Paul he knew. But when Paul talked to his parents about it, the same parents that told him to “just be yourself” as a young boy, all they responded with was, “It’s just a phase, you’ll grow out of it.”

Philosophy of...

Another narrative. Take a gander. I think it's important for me to point out that these are all based on true stories from my life. That is to say, based on true stories the same way some movies are made based on books that have come before them. They are, for the most part, accurate, with a little bit added for dramatic effect, but never quite as good as the original story. I hope you enjoy.

There is an ongoing debate between which has a greater impact on a person, nature or nurture. Are people born genetically coded to act the way they do? To think the way they do? Or are a person’s characteristics based on a culmination of his reactions to experiences that have taken place in his life? More specifically, are Matt’s thoughts, his ideals, a product of the interpretation of his past experiences, or was he predestined to, for lack of a better way to phrase it, be Matt? He doesn’t know, nor does he really worry about it, but when it comes to relationships, anyone who knows Matt can tell you that nurture, not nature, has shaped his views on the subject.

Relationships are futile. A broad statement, but one that Matt has spent a long time pondering over and very firmly agrees with. No, he wasn’t raised in a broken home, quite the contrary. Yes his parents would bicker, his sister would cry, and he would sit in his room and fume about his their rules, but his parents, his model for relationships as a child, never waivered in their love for one another. The nurture from his family isn’t what has shaped his views on relationships; it was experiences outside of his house.

“Alyssa why are you so upset?” Matt asked as they made their way down Tatum Boulevard. The tension in the car was so rank, so strong, that he could almost taste it. Ever since Michelle had walked in the door to Paul’s the night before Alyssa hadn’t been acting the same.

“Nothing Matt, don’t worry about it.” She kept her eyes on the road, but her focus was on other things.

“Why does me being with Michelle bug you so much? That’s it, isn’t it? We were having a great night with Paul from the point when you two picked me up at the airport all the way until Michelle showed up at his house. I only get to see her when I fly out here and I don’t really appreciate how you’re letting it affect our friendship. I really care about her.”

" Matt it’s not you being with her. Really, just let it go.”

“That’s all you have to say? Fine.” Matt sat there, furious that his night was ruined because one of his best friends couldn’t swallow the fact that he had feelings for Michelle and as far as he could tell she felt the same way. It wasn’t until they were almost to Alyssa’s house that either of them spoke again.

“Matt…”

“What?” he snapped.

“It’s not what you think.”

“Yea whatever,” he didn’t want to hear it.

“You have to believe me, I’m looking out for you.”

“I would have believed that before Alyssa, but I’m not sure you actually care anymore,” with that statement, Matt crossed a line. As the last word left his lips Alyssa snapped.

“Matt she’s seeing another guy. She’s dating someone else. I didn’t want to be the one to tell you but fuck you for saying I don’t care,” a tear made its way down her cheek as she spoke, no, not as she spoke, as she yelled, and it hit Matt. Alyssa wasn’t being jealous and she wasn’t being selfish, she was being his friend. His judgment was clouded by his feelings for Michelle, unwarranted feelings, feelings she didn’t deserve. He was so mixed up he was willing to jeopardize one of his dearest friendships for something that didn’t even exist.

Maybe Matt would have more faith in relationships if this were an isolated incident. Maybe, if this were the first and only time he got that feeling in the pit of his stomach, that knot that works its way into your core so deeply that you don’t think it will ever leave, he would be more optimistic about the subject. Or maybe, if he hadn’t had so many girls cry on shoulder, if he hadn’t seen so many of his brothers hit rock bottom, he’d still see the value in being so vulnerable and so open to one person. So many maybes, so many experiences, and now so much dissent. Matt, once so focused on finding that person, now has a much simpler goal in life: a house on the beach with a dog.

"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in your hearts forever... even if you are long gone in theirs."

There's Music In The Air

Another narrative for my english class. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. It's a little more sentimental this time, from back when things were simpler and the real world was light-years away. Hope you enjoy my "one time at band camp" story.

“Bull shit.”

“Take it.” Bill grudgingly reaches for the pile of cards, flipping over the two Jacks on top just to make sure Matt isn’t lying.

“One Queen,” Bill says bitterly, now holding almost half of the deck in his hands. A light breeze passes through the redwoods carrying the faint sounds of a string quartet practicing just a few cabins over. Matt and his cabin mates are unaware of this though. At their cabin the whisper of “Pachelbel’s Cannon” is drowned out by the lyrics of Eminem echoing from the boom-box in the corner.

“So I was talking to Kelsey after rehearsal today.” Matt feels his face go flush. He knows exactly where this conversation is going. Intently he studies his cards, attempting to imitate the poker faces he has seen on the television when he watches Texas Hold’em tournaments with his dad. “What happened last night man? She said she couldn’t find you anywhere….”

“I was there for a while, but I was kind of burnt out from the concerts so I decided to leave early,” Matt lies, avoiding eye contact.

“She likes you man, do you like her?” All of the guys in the cabin, even those not playing cards, were now intently listening in on the conversation. Nothing peaked the interest of these young boys more than the potential love connection at camp. Matt remains silent, but it’ll take more than that to fend of the inquiring gazes.

“Well she said she wants to hang out with you during free time tonight after dinner, something about a nature walk.” Matt abandons his attempt at staying calm and collected and immediately looks at Bill, evaluating his face to determine if he’s telling the truth or just trying to instigate the situation. Unfortunately for Matt, Bill’s poker face is much better than his. Unable to discern whether or not he should believe Bill, the chance for further investigation is abruptly stripped from Matt as the sound of the dinner chime echoes through the forest. It won’t be until later, when Matt and Kelsey are stealing glances at each other from across the cafeteria, that he will fully believe that Bill was telling the truth.

~ ~ ~

His stomach flips. Should he reach for her hand? Suave he is not, but what Matt lacks in experience he makes up for in sincerity. Too young to have any ulterior motives, or even to know what an ulterior motive is, all that drives him is the feeling that he gets when he looks at her. As he lies there in the dried up river bed, his heart and mind both race, as if they are in a competition to reach some unseen finish line. His eyes survey the sky looking for any glimpse or sparkle that could possibly be a star. The sun had set just minutes ago, and the warmth that had been covering him like a blanket was slowly being replaced by the crisp kiss of the rising moon. While seemingly focused on the task at hand, all he could really think about at the moment was….

“There!” she exclaims, vigorously pointing towards the sky, exhilarated that she had beaten him in seeing the first star of the night. Matt looks in the direction that she is indicating and smiles. Should he tell her that her “first star of the night” is actually Venus? No, even as a twelve year old Matt knows that telling a girl she is wrong generally doesn’t turn very out well. Deciding to let it pass he plays it off, feigning disappointment.

“Alright you win, you win. What do you want?” He didn’t dare look at her, worried that the hope in his eyes might give him away.

“Oh, I don’t know, I’ll figure it out later,” said Kelsey, not giving the slightest hint as to what was going on in her mind. What next? Is he being to forward or is he being a wimp? He knows it’s getting late, but he is too nervous to move. Can she read him like a book or is she as confused as him? Did she just giggle or was it his imagination? Her hand, only inches from his, might as well be miles away.

Matt makes his decision. He decides to count to three then make his move. Matt takes a deep breath. One. He steals a glance at her. Even in the moonlight her beauty is radiating. Two. This is it. This is the moment he has been anticipating since they arrived at Cazadero just over a week ago. Thr…. Kelsey leans over and kisses Matt square on the lips.

“That’ll be my prize for winning,” she giggles. Matt can’t even speak. All he can do is lay there and smile. He reaches for her hand, finally intertwining his fingers with hers. After a few more minutes of just taking in the beautiful sounds of the forest around them, they get up and walk back towards the cabins and the noise of their fellow campers. Matt, still smiling from ear to ear, holds tightly to her hand. He is already anticipating how different the conversation is going to be next time he sits down with his cabin mates to play cards.

Just Another Day In The Life

I had to write a childhood narrative for my English class. Considering I'm a science kid, I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out. Check it.

Somewhere in the White Mountains of Arizona, in a hot and stuffy cabin by the edge of Hawley Lake, the outline of Matthew L. Bernhardt can barely be discerned in the darkness as he sits, silently, on the floor of the common room. Despite the seventy other faces softly illuminated by the candles at the center of the room, Matthew is only aware of the two papers folded neatly in half and placed on the tile in front of him. Not even the subtle fragrance of the candles or the persistent howling of the wind outside resonates with him. He simply sits; staring at the floor with such concentration, such intensity, that an outsider looking on might think he is trying to etch something into the tile with his gaze. This is the end of the line – a long and passionate line – for Matthew and twelve of his peers.

“Whenever you are ready, please enter the circle and we will begin.”

Amazingly it got quieter than it had been before this statement, as if the words themselves sucked a little bit of the life out of the room and through the window where it was lost in the darkness. Despite his current disposition, Matthew couldn’t help but snicker to himself at the request. So if he refused to ever be “ready” did that mean he never had to slide across the dust covered cabin floor towards the middle of the room? If he were to choose so, did it mean that he wouldn’t have to say goodbye to his closest friends and the organization that had shaped his life for the past six years? No, unfortunately, it didn’t mean either of these things. With each passing second Matthew came closer to exiting. It was a moment he knew was looming in the future ever since he became a Peer Leader, but it was a moment he never accepted he would actually have to confront.

Even though the ceremony was nothing new to him, the experience he was going to have this time around would be. He had sat through it three times prior, but never as an exiter. This time was going to be different. This time was going to be special. This time the focus was on him. No longer an observer, Matthew was now a part of the main event. All of the weekend’s festivities culminating here and now, in the hopes that Matthew and his twelve fellow fourth-years will impart some sort of wisdom upon those lucky enough to still just be witnesses.

As he raises his gaze from the floor to survey the room his mind starts to race. He finds he is feeling slightly peeved at his current situation. He’s angry. “YOU CAN’T MAKE ME LEAVE!” echoes… in his head. But yes, yes they can. He knows that it was time to let go, but he isn’t ready to admit it. His anger is rapidly replaced with a much lonelier feeling, fear. His eyes dart from face to face, hoping for some look of reassurance, some sign that there isn’t any justification for the feeling in the pit of his stomach. All he needs is for someone to return his gaze so that he can take a second to compose himself.

"Eye contact, eye contact, eye contact!” someone had written on the back of the board. Someone always wrote it on the back of the board.
“Original,” says Jameson as he stands in the Peer Leader zone studying the comments. Nothing annoys him more than pointless or redundant comments on the board.
"At least that’s our biggest problem this week,” Matthew says, reaching up to wipe the eye contact comment off of the board. “If things were going any smoother with these participants I’d be worried we were missing something.”
“Well anything is going to seem smooth compared to the kids that participated in week two.”
“True, true, but I think they’re just at that age during week two – old enough to have all the issues associated with growing up but still too young to deal with any of them,” but that’s what Jameson, Matthew, and each of their fellow Peer Leaders are there for. Their organization is not unlike an oasis in a desert. This is not just because it takes place in an air-conditioned room in Arizona during the summer, but also because it provides a much needed safe haven for Scottsdale’s youth. Where else do teens have where they can talk about their feelings? Where else can teens go in this day and age to talk about the issues facing them as they grow and develop? Matthew didn’t know of any. After all, he did sacrificed comfortable summers in San Francisco each year to be a part of this group, despite the scorching heat of the Arizona summer. This group is special. Katie pushes past the boys to fill the newly vacant space on the board with, “We need more eye contact!” Jameson has to walk away.

Matthew’s attention returns to the papers patiently lying on the floor in front of him. Slowly and quietly he reaches down to pick them up. He doesn’t unfold them. He doesn’t look at them. He doesn’t need to. All that is written on them is chicken scratch. A feeble attempt to organize what he wants to say to the people that have meant so much to him. He lets out a sigh, folding the papers one more time before sliding them into his pocket. In a last fleeting moment of optimism Matthew hopes no one will make the move. If they stand together and no one breaks maybe they can all just stay. Then, as if on cue, Nathan starts to make his way towards the candles. So much for being optimistic. It’s time to say goodbye, whether Matthew likes it or not.

You don't say?

So I've been dealing with writers block. I mean SEVERE writers block. I have no idea what to write about next, and no one seems to have the solution. A lot of good ideas have been thrown my way, but nothing has really stuck so I figured I'd just start writing and see where it took me. Well just writing took me nowhere... so I decided to borrow from other people. I love quotes. I had a list of favorite quotes for a while but, well, it got a little out of hand. I'm not sure why I like reading quotes so much. I don't know if it's because I struggle to put words to the chaos that is going on inside of my head, or if it's because everything just sounds better to me when someone else says it. I guess it could just be how I apply the quote to my life at the time. Nothing has any more significance than you give it. For your enjoyment I've compiled a few of my favorites here.

"Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about."

"It is only after we have lost everything that we are free to do anything."
-brad pitt (fight club)

"If music be the food of love, play on."
-shakespeare



"Findin truth, spreadin love, searchin deep inside."
-kottonmouth kings

"The dreamers of the day are dangerous people."
-d.h. lawrence

"Music should never be harmless."
-robbie robertson



"And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make."
-beatles

"You must be the change."
-ghandi

"As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more."
-pierre-jules renard

"Every man is born as many men, but dies as a single one."
-martin heidegger



"Where words fail, music speaks."
-hans christian andersen

"Castles made of sand melt into the sea eventually."
-jimi hendrix

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”
-albert einstein



"I live in the clouds. Reality is not for me. People say i should come down. That the clouds are not a place for grownups to be. I smile at them. Maybe one day, I say maybe one day I will come down. But i never will. Reality is not for me. I shall stay up here. the view is quite breathtaking."

"I secretly hope you're going to be miserable, but even more secretly I hope you are going to be happy."

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”



"I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high,
'Till they reach the sky,
And like my dreams they fade and die.
Fortunes always hiding,
I've looked everywhere.
I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air."
-G.S.E.

Dub Club

So, as of today I'm twenty... fuck I'm old. I mean I don't actually FEEL old, but when I say it out loud (I'm twenty years old) it just sounds really old to me. I remember when I was in elementary school and I thought high school kids were "adults." Well, high school kids, I have news for you: you're not, and for that you should be ecstatic. If I could I would switch places with you in a second. I'm not saying I'd do anything differently. I try to live my life without regrets. I truly believe that the moments that have been the hardest in my life so far have played a huge role in shaping who I am today, but at the same time man would I love to do it all again. I feel like, in honor of my birthday, 20 random facts about myself would be an appropriate next blog (see the disclaimer in my first blog about how the only people who have blogs are narcissist with too much time on thier hands and apply it directly to me haha). So here they are. Twenty things that either helped shape me, I'm passionate about, or simply just popped into my head as I wrote this. All the stories you're about to hear are true, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.


1. I'm a liberal San Francisan. I was born in the city and raised just across the Golden Gate Bridge. San Francisco will forever be my favorite city in the U.S.

2. Words CANNOT describe what workshop did for me. Anyone who has talked to me about it knows, and anyone who went through it with me will say the same thing. I only hope that I was able to give back to the people I bumped into along my path a tenth of what I got out of it.

3. My freshman year in high school my soccer team won 0 games, my sophomore year we won 4, my junior year we made it to the tournament for the first time in 10 years, and then there was Fall 2007, a season to remember. We went 18-3-1 and after dismembering Marin Catholic in the finals I finally got that NCS ring with my name on it.

4. I'm a bando and I'm proud. I played the trumpet for 8 years, went to a school of the arts for high school, and attended band camp for three glorious summers. If you have anything to say about it, fuck off, it's my birthday.

5. I'm selectively passionate, quietly opinionated, and fiercely loyal. I listen, I over analyze, I care. I'm learning to love and living to learn. I have a heavy heart and an old soul. I don't judge, I won't quit on you, and that's all I'll ever ask of you in return.

6. I associate movies and music with either a time in my life or a person, always. Because of that there are some movies I can't watch and some songs I can't listen to because they bring back memories I'd rather avoid. Que sera, sera.

7. Go Greek. I love my fraternity and the opportunities it has afforded me. What? "Blah blah buying friends blah..." Well, you obviously have no idea what Greek life, or being a member of a fraternity, is about. Enjoy being ignorant.

8. When I propose to my wife, Eye to Eye from A Goofy Movie will be playing in the background.

9. When I went to Europe in high school it opened my eyes to the world around me. After just a taste of the culture in London, France, Italy, Germany and Switzerland I found myself craving more. I'm more excited to go back in the spring than I have been for anything else in my life.

10. I strongly believe in following what you are passionate about. For a while when I was thinking about what I wanted to do in my future I always focused on what would make me the most money the fastest, as I think most people do. I mean it's understandable. Money allows you to do pretty much whatever you want. But after talking to my boss at my job right now and really doing some soul searching this summer, I don't care about getting where I want to be fast. I want to always enjoy where I am, in the moment. After all, "Choose a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life." -Confucius

11. I have to give a shout out to my Greek family. Jewish mafia domination. Family motto: nut up or shut up.

12. Arizona will always have a special place in my heart. I've been going there every summer since I can remember, either to visit family in Jerome, to change lives in Scottsdale, or to escape from the world in the White Mountains. A summer just won't be right if I don't spend some of it in the 115 degrees Arizona heat.

13. My favorite movie is Fight Club. My favorite TV shows are Entourage, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and Lost. My favorite books are The Count of Monte Cristo and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Wrap your head around that.

14. I've found I do my best thinking at the beach, on a lifeguard tower, at night. Thankfully, living in Southern California allows me to do this year round. Sometimes I invite someone to go with me. If I do, consider yourself lucky, it's not something I want to do with just anyone.

15. My little sister is hands down the most important person in my life. I'd do absolutely anything for her. That being said, I'm not envious of her first few boyfriends, because I have no qualms about being the mean big brother. She deserves the best and I'm here to make sure she gets it.

16. I value friendship above almost all else. A true friend is hard to come by, but when you find yourself traveling through life along side one it feels right. Miles and time changes don't matter. This is a shout out to you K Lizzle, Stew Baby, and Wadopotato (again, names have been changed to protect the innocent).

17. In high school I had a teacher named Mr. Dick. No, I didn't change his name to protect the innocent. His name was actually John Richard Dick (so John Dick Dick for short). I don't know if he knows it, but he is one of the most inspiring people I have met in my life. He is brilliant, he is passionate about helping kids learn, and he is really damn good at teaching. I took 4 classes with him at my high school just because I actually enjoyed learning from him, and he's the reason I'm on the career path that I am today. I should make sure he knows that. I've realized lately that a lot of people in life that really deserve praise for what they do rarely get it.

18. After my freshman year in high school I went on a cruise to Mexico. It was life changing to say the least.

19. I started playing volleyball on a whim as a freshman in high school and have loved it ever since. It's fun, it's fast paced, and you really have to know a lot about the game to be competitive. A few good matches in the gym or on the beach is one of the best stress relievers I've been able to find. Plus, let's be honest, volleyball girls a FINE, ya dig?

20. After my senior year in high school I had the pleasure of meeting John Mayer before one of his concerts and then watching him preform from the 15th row. I wasn't a big John Mayer fan before the night, but I mean who is going to pass up an opportunity to rub shoulders with a celebrity? Well, his concert was amazing, and meeting him was actually more interesting than I anticipated. It was a night of good music, great memories, and amazing company. One of my favorites to this day.


Life comes at you fast. Be passionate. Enjoy the little things.

Let's Revisit Our Childhoods

I've recently found myself with a lot of time on my hands (it's the summer in Orange...) and Disney movies have been blowing up my TV lately. In search for a lighthearted way to kill a significant amount of time, I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane to appreciate some of the movies that made me laugh when I was younger, but are often overlooked for what they actually bring to the table. So here, in the next installment of this pointless blog, I bring you a list of my Top 7 Underrated Disney Movies. Enjoy.


7. Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Some people say it's like a watered down Mary Poppins that's too long and has a forgettable score, but come on people. It's animation (though out dated now) was ahead of its time in 1971. It's a movie about escaping from dull and depressing reality into an exciting realm of fantasy. Now who can't appreciate that? While not one of Disney's greatest movies of all time, it definitely deserves more credit than it gets.





6. Heavy Weights
Excuse me, 20% on Rotten Tomatoes, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? It deserves at least 70% just because of how ridiculous Ben Stiller is throughout the movie. It's funny, it's entertaining, and like every Disney movie it has a happy, moral filled message. So what if the movie turned out to actually foreshadow an epidemic sweeping across the United States today.... We love underdog stories, even when the dogs are 5'5" and 250lbs.





5. Robin Hood
It's a simpler Disney movie. Some say it's "lackadaisical" or will bash the animation, but shit, it's from 1973... The voices work perfectly and the music has to be some of the best, most situationally appropriate music of all time. The script is witty and the animals are fitting to the characters they portray. I wore the VHS out when I was in elementary school and I plan to enjoy watching it again when I have kids some day.





4. The Sword in the Stone
This is an extremely well made movie. The animation is superb (1963), the story is relatively accurate, and there are countless jokes that bring the Disney touch to the plot. I think it's the timelessness of the jokes that really makes this movie unique when compared to today's animated movies. Also it's a Disney movie that doesn't rely on an underlying love story, which as a young boy I definitely appreciated.





3. Cool Runnings
The acting, not brilliant, though John Candy does a very impressive job in a role a bit more serious than he generally played. The story line, not that accurate, but who really cares? If I wanted to watch a documentary I wouldn't go to my Disney movies hoping to find a factually precise one... The movie is hilarious (mainly thanks to Doug E. Doug and his portrayal of Sanka Coffie) and touches on tons of themes throughout the movie (parent-child conflict, superstition, ambition, love, hate, patriotism, ect.). It's definitely on my list of late night/sick day movies to watch to make me feel better.


2. Hercules
As a young boy what more could I ask for from Disney than for them to make a movie where there wasn't a princess, where there was ample amounts of fighting, and that had music that I still (to this day) can't get out of my head? Nothing I tell you. What's that you say? You say the Greek mythology isn't accurate? Oh... okay, well in that case... fuck off. It's a fictional Disney movie. The jokes in it still make me laugh to this day despite the fact that I can basically recite the movie for you. If it's not on your list of favorite Disney movies then I suggest you check your pulse.


1. A Goofy Movie
If you have a complaint about this movie than you should go take a long walk off a short pier (unless it's about that possum theme park... cause that shit freaked me out a little when I first saw it). It's funny, it's uplifting, and it's well made. It has a nice mix of classic Disney characters with some fresh new ones. AND if none of that does it for you, then I have just one word: Powerline. In my opinion, arguably two of the best Disney songs ever (and for the sake of this list, my opinion is all that matters).

For your viewing pleasure (I'd post it on the blog but the Internet is being shitty) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HcqCFva-Gc

"I don't want to survive, I want to live."

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and that quote pretty much sums up what I've come to conclude. Take a second and think about it. I think most people lose sight of so much as we grow up. What's really important in life? There's so much we take for granted and let pass us by. I've definitely been one of those people. Always counting down to what's coming and not really living in the moment. I can think of three, maybe four moments in my life that transcend the rest. Where nothing else really mattered and, in hindsight, I can say that I was happy. Like really and truly happy (but don't get me started on whether or not I think a person can really achieve true happiness). The most recent of these moments took place this past semester, and I let it pass me by at the time because I was so caught up in other insignificant things. It also kills me how so many people give up what they're passionate about for what they "have" to do. Don't be in a rush to get where you want to go. There's nothing that anyone "has" to do, and don't let society tell you any differently. Don't forget to appreciate the little things. I think it really became apparent as I watched my little sister go through elementary school and now off to middle school. I constantly find myself wondering at what point she's going to lose her childhood innocence. When will things she thinks she's supposed to do, to fit in, begin to override things that she wants to do because they make her happy. I mean, to be honest, it's probably already happened. You should hear how grown up she sounds as an 11 year old... it's scary. And it's hard going to school so far away from her while she's growing up. After all I went through growing up in Novato, my only wish for her is to be safe and happy. I just hope every time we talk or I see her I'm able to impart on her some little bit of knowledge that'll help her live her life happily, whatever that even means these days. But, alas, if there's one thing I've learned this summer, other than to live life passionately, it's that experience is the best teacher, and nothing else really comes close.

Oh, by the way, that quote I started with isn't from a famous philosopher, historian, or artist. It's not from a movie star or a musician. No, it's from Disney and Pixar's Wall-e, which, if you haven't watched it lately (I mean really watched it) I recommend you pop it into your DVD player or computer. It's surprising how much you can learn from a Disney movie when you watch it again from a different point of view.



I took this picture last night. It's the sunset down the road from where I live... never forget to enjoy the little things.

I'm selectively passionate, quietly opinionated, and fiercely loyal. I listen, I overanalyze, I care. I'm learning to love and living to learn. -me

"As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more."
-pierre-jules renard


"Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted."

Be The Change

The p-units.

Disclaimer: Blogs are stupid. Only narcissists and people with too much free time have them.

That being said, conveniently, on many days I find myself falling into both of said categories. I've been flirting with the idea of starting a blog for a while now. The issue is I've never really had one thing I wanted to talk about, or was especially knowledgeable about, to the point where anyone would give a flying fuck. Most people I know have a music blog, a food blog, a travel blog or some sort of topic specific blog... I'm seeing this more as a stream-of-consciousness blog (aka a random rant blog). A place for me to speak my peace about whatever I want, and hope that no one with any authority in my life ever reads it.

If that were to take place I would see it as a parallel to getting a friend request of facebook from your mom... something all facebook users hope to avoid. I know getting one from my aunt was bad enough, but thanks to facebook's nifty privacy settings all the dirt she can get on me is that male (god forbid that news ever make it's way back to my loving yet slightly naive parents). I don't have a lot of "dirty laundry" per say, I just find it more comfortable to keep my family and my facebook as two separate entities in my life. Luckily for me both my parents are, how should I say, "technologically challenged" so I'm not too worried about them stumbling upon my facebook or this ranting space. I'm assuming it's a generational thing. I mean how can I expect them to be able to grasp the workings of an iPhone and facebook when they're still excited about this whole "e-lec-tri-ci-ty" thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming to be a computer wizard by any means, but last time my parents visited me I had to show my dad how to put his phone on vibrate, twice. How he managed to get it off vibrate in between my two tutorials is still a mystery to the both of us.

There is one thing that involves a computer that they both have undoubtedly master though: the chain email. You know the ones I'm talking about. They range from the lists of 293847093 facts you'll never care about (some of my favorites being that it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis, it's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas, and the fear of vegtables is called Lachanophobia) to stories that would be inspirational if they didn't both send them to me multiple times (in their defence, I don't think they remember each individual time and upon each new reading the story still has it's initial "aw" factor to them).

Maybe I'm being a little harsh. They were, after all, the people changing my diapers when I was a baby and I guess they did bring me into this world. I undoubtedly owe them more than I will ever be able to repay, but I'd rather stab myself in the eye than explain to them how to use limewire again. I guess the moral of the story is I love my parents, they're amazing. They kept me out of jail (hopefully I don't fuck that up this summer), pushed me through high school, and set me up to do pretty much anything I want (except study abroad...). They have more redeeming qualities than not, but I rue the day my mom decided to treat herself to an iPod touch.