Philosophy of...

Another narrative. Take a gander. I think it's important for me to point out that these are all based on true stories from my life. That is to say, based on true stories the same way some movies are made based on books that have come before them. They are, for the most part, accurate, with a little bit added for dramatic effect, but never quite as good as the original story. I hope you enjoy.

There is an ongoing debate between which has a greater impact on a person, nature or nurture. Are people born genetically coded to act the way they do? To think the way they do? Or are a person’s characteristics based on a culmination of his reactions to experiences that have taken place in his life? More specifically, are Matt’s thoughts, his ideals, a product of the interpretation of his past experiences, or was he predestined to, for lack of a better way to phrase it, be Matt? He doesn’t know, nor does he really worry about it, but when it comes to relationships, anyone who knows Matt can tell you that nurture, not nature, has shaped his views on the subject.

Relationships are futile. A broad statement, but one that Matt has spent a long time pondering over and very firmly agrees with. No, he wasn’t raised in a broken home, quite the contrary. Yes his parents would bicker, his sister would cry, and he would sit in his room and fume about his their rules, but his parents, his model for relationships as a child, never waivered in their love for one another. The nurture from his family isn’t what has shaped his views on relationships; it was experiences outside of his house.

“Alyssa why are you so upset?” Matt asked as they made their way down Tatum Boulevard. The tension in the car was so rank, so strong, that he could almost taste it. Ever since Michelle had walked in the door to Paul’s the night before Alyssa hadn’t been acting the same.

“Nothing Matt, don’t worry about it.” She kept her eyes on the road, but her focus was on other things.

“Why does me being with Michelle bug you so much? That’s it, isn’t it? We were having a great night with Paul from the point when you two picked me up at the airport all the way until Michelle showed up at his house. I only get to see her when I fly out here and I don’t really appreciate how you’re letting it affect our friendship. I really care about her.”

" Matt it’s not you being with her. Really, just let it go.”

“That’s all you have to say? Fine.” Matt sat there, furious that his night was ruined because one of his best friends couldn’t swallow the fact that he had feelings for Michelle and as far as he could tell she felt the same way. It wasn’t until they were almost to Alyssa’s house that either of them spoke again.

“Matt…”

“What?” he snapped.

“It’s not what you think.”

“Yea whatever,” he didn’t want to hear it.

“You have to believe me, I’m looking out for you.”

“I would have believed that before Alyssa, but I’m not sure you actually care anymore,” with that statement, Matt crossed a line. As the last word left his lips Alyssa snapped.

“Matt she’s seeing another guy. She’s dating someone else. I didn’t want to be the one to tell you but fuck you for saying I don’t care,” a tear made its way down her cheek as she spoke, no, not as she spoke, as she yelled, and it hit Matt. Alyssa wasn’t being jealous and she wasn’t being selfish, she was being his friend. His judgment was clouded by his feelings for Michelle, unwarranted feelings, feelings she didn’t deserve. He was so mixed up he was willing to jeopardize one of his dearest friendships for something that didn’t even exist.

Maybe Matt would have more faith in relationships if this were an isolated incident. Maybe, if this were the first and only time he got that feeling in the pit of his stomach, that knot that works its way into your core so deeply that you don’t think it will ever leave, he would be more optimistic about the subject. Or maybe, if he hadn’t had so many girls cry on shoulder, if he hadn’t seen so many of his brothers hit rock bottom, he’d still see the value in being so vulnerable and so open to one person. So many maybes, so many experiences, and now so much dissent. Matt, once so focused on finding that person, now has a much simpler goal in life: a house on the beach with a dog.

"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in your hearts forever... even if you are long gone in theirs."